Yes, it's true: San Francisco's pricey real estate is out of reach for most of us, but that doesn't mean we don't enjoy (and or hate-enjoy) looking at it. So today I have a modest proposal for all y'all realtors out there — instead of ham-handedly doing the video yourself, or (even worse) flying some drone around with a horrible soundtrack in the background, why not get a local personality to show potential buyers around?
A tastefully staged three bedroom, two bath that's going for nearly $2 million, the house is perfectly fine! Nothing especially remarkable in either a good or bad way. It's completely inoffensive, which can sometimes mean a little boring. I suspect that's one of the reasons Danielle Lazier & SFhotlist San Francisco Real Estate chose the drag queen approach — by having Munro and Smirnoff-Skyy show us the place, it takes a blandly luxurious structure and makes it feel a little more fun, interesting, and the tiniest bit edgy.
So I started thinking, why don't more realtors do this — take an SF notable and have them be the host of the listing video?
For example, let's take this 18th Street duplex. Realtor Kevin Ho, bless his heart, managed to get $1.099 million for this arguably dilapidated Mission home, despite this home-job of a video:
Imagine, instead, if Kevin had just run the iPhone (move your finger, Kevin. No, it's still in front of the lens) as, say, part-time SF resident John Waters showed off the duplex. You guys, you KNOW Waters would relish the chance to have done commentary on a place like this one, and he would have been amazing. I mean, Kevin did a fine job, and the place sold for a lot, so he's probably wiping away the tears from my critique with fifty-dollar bills. But how much could the place have sold for with John Waters showing it off? Kevin, you could be wiping those tears with Benjamins.
Or how about the Million Dollar Dirt Lot?
Nearly a month after it went up for sale, this patch of sand at Noriega Street and 11th Avenue appears to remain on the market. It's not too late to turn this ship around, folks: let's get Jan Wahl out there clambering around on that hill, clutching at her hat as she extolls the joys of this million-dollar lot of dirt. To keep Jan from hurting herself, and to give her someone to riff with, I'd probably pair her with similarly be-hatted Broke-Ass Stuart — Jan can grab at his arm when she stumbles, and he can talk about how this lot is a great place to smoke weed or whatever.
Come on, admit it. You would watch this video. Yeah, it might be a hate-watch, but that's still a watch. And I'm sure you all can think of even better real estate/bold-faced name pairings than I can! It's fun, right?
In conclusion: in a market like this one, I suspect that it some real estate agents might not think they have to put any effort into selling a property at all. And they might be right — why spend money staging a place, or fancying up a listing, if it's going to go for jillions over ask anyway? So maybe my plea comes from a selfish place, as I watch a lot of these videos and crave spark and originality.
But, who knows, even if it doesn't help you sell some dump, there might be benefits to making a more star(using the term loosely)-powered listing video. After all, if you make one that's buzzy enough, maybe Bravo will offer to replace one of those Million Dollar Listing SF choads with your upwardly-mobile ass. See, now you get to be the star after all.