Today in cross-country smacktalk, New York Daily News columnist Filip Bondy just comes right out and says what's on his mind: "San Francisco 49er's fans are soft." After the vitriol that came out of Texas before the World Series, the tired Bay Area bashing is expected, actually. But that doesn't mean we won't let it slip by without commentary.
Our beef with Bondy, who sports a mean upper lip pushbroom so he can easily be identified as a serious person by other hard-reporting newspapermen, isn't so much the "soft" part in his headline. If San Francisco were "soft" we probably wouldn't have to beef up security at Candlestick for, like, the third or fourth time this season. And anyway, this scene at Candlestick didn't look very soft in the pre-season. On the other hand, Niners fans have embarrassingly been spotted tailgating with a glass of Cabernet Sauvignon. The world is not so black and white, is what we're saying here.
Anyhow, Bondy's Bay Area research seems to have been limited to a Wikipedia search (possibly on the day of the blackout), so please, allow us to fill in some factual errors in his ten-point takedown:
The average high temperature in San Francisco in January is 57 degrees. That's way too warm to be furious at the world.
OK, this is true. Please send more ice cream.
Public nudity is legal in San Francisco, with an ordinance pending that a naked individual must first place a towel on his or her seat before sitting. If there is a naked person nearby sitting on a towel, nobody is paying attention to third down and goal to go.
Incorrect. No one pays attention to the naked people except tourists and bored newspaper columnists.
San Francisco has cute cable cars. We have the D train. New Yorkers spend their lives commuting underground, driving through tunnels or fending off unwanted singing acts on the subway. San Franciscans travel up and down quaint hills while listening to nostalgic clangs.
As far as any outsider is concerned, transit in San Francisco is limited to three train lines. Which is fine with us, actually. As for that driving through tunnels thing...
They think way too much in San Francisco.
Thank you?
And finally, to really negate that "soft" headline, some commentary on the average weight of Niners fans:
Niner fans need to gain some weight before they’re taken seriously. They don’t even have trouble fitting into their seats.
Wonderful. Sorry you're so fat, New York.
Meanwhile, elsewhere in Gotham, the Wall Street Journal has a harder time finding something to hate about us. To borrow a classic from Herb Caen, it's kind of cute—watching the New Yorkers trying to figure out San Francisco's "indescribable conglomeration of beauty and ugliness," while also trying to grab some commentbait on the way to Sunday's game.
