It's rare that a club party lives on for 15 years, but the queer monthly and seasonal day party at El Rio called Daytime Realness has managed to do just that, against all odds, and in this fickle and ever-more expensive city.

Way back in the wild, post-financial-crisis, pre-AI days of 2011, when Twitter was still vaguely cool and Obama was still in his first term, a trio of local nightlife impresarios came together to fill in a gap that they saw in the San Francisco queer party scene. They were the late drag hostess and performer Heklina, Hard French co-founder Tom Temprano (aka DJ Carnita), and DJ Stanley Frank Sensation, and they decided to call it Daytime Realness — using a term from the drag community to denote the kind of extra makeup effort that goes into achieving feminine "realness" in the daylight.

"All three of us had other larger events that we were producing — Heklina was still doing Trannyshack, I had Hard French also at El Rio, and Stanley had Chili Dog," says Temprano, in an interview with SFist. "We wanted to do something that felt fun for us to produce. Something that felt lighthearted, that felt easy, just a good time on a sunday. That was what all of us wanted to experience ourselves when we weren't working these other gigs."

Temprano says that the idea for a San Francisco version of a tea dance, with drag, was something Heklina helped articulate.

"Heklina, being our elder, explained the history of tea dances in the gay community in the 70s, 80s, and 90s, and how these had become kind of a forgotten piece of queer nightlife by the 2010s," Temprano says. "We wanted to do something like that, and for it to feel fun and easy, a place that you knew you could go have a good time, dance to good music, and not be hungover on a Monday."

And the party launched, without anyone knowing it would be such an enduring success, on the third Sunday of every month from March to October.

The vibe at Daytime Realness is reliably good, and that is largely thanks to the format set in the early days, with day-friendly music being spun by good DJ talent — including Temprano and Frank themselves — and a few irreverent, often transgressive drag numbers in between, with Heklina being the regular host at most of the parties until her untimely death in 2023.

There were other retro inspirations as well, which may have been more figurative than literal. Temprano points to a "little manifesto" or sort of mood-boarding effort that they did before launching the party, which stated, "Daytime Realness Is: Burt Reynolds' mustache, Three’s Company, roller skates, Astroturf, kiddie pools, Technicolor Jell-o molds, artificial house plants, high waistlines, cuckoo clocks, floral print bathrooms, shag carpeting, cabana boys, shrimp cocktails, Harvey Wallbangers, Muppets in bikinis, pink flamingos, Hawaiian Tropics, white loafers, A SUNDAY YOU CAN'T REMEMBER & WILL NEVER FORGET."

"Then and now nightlife has had a tendency to take itself too seriously, and we set out to throw a party that we would have fun going to," Temprano says. "That's the secret recipe, I guess: It's about fun. We don't want anybody to be too stressed about what to wear or have to think too hard. Come, see great drag, dance to great DJS. The formula's still the same."

The DJs and drag talent have contributed to the party's success over the years, Temprano says, with the DJs being told to play whatever they want to play, whether it has words or not.

And while the drag style has always erred on the side of irreverence, the diversity of talents and styles has evolved a bit since Heklina's passing, with a different host coming in every month.

"Heklina was always booking the drag when she was around, and in the years since, with Stanley and I booking, we've done our best to open up the stage to a new generation of drag performance," Temprano says. "The rage-against-the-glamour aesthetic that Heklina pioneered is still there at times, but we've also tried to bring in more trans and nonbinary performers, women, people of color — our stage is a place that everyone who walks in the party can see themselves represented."

And, over 15 years, the physical space has changed a bit, with El Rio rebuilding its backyard stage ("We got rid of the Astroturf!" Temprano says, which used to cover the former stage), and revamping the sound system. But the "core of the party has stayed the same," Temprano says, which includes bringing people on stage to celebrate birthdays that month, usually with a tray of cupcakes.

"We've gone from this idea of drag queens seen in the daytime being unheard of, to now where there's a drag brunch seemingly on every corner," Temprano says. He adds, "We're seeing more day parties now and as we should, with San Francisco's weather, especially during our season, from March to October. It's always going to be hospitable, never too hot, never too cold, maybe a little foggy."

The team promises a "physical, visual surprise" that will greet party-goers at this Sunday's 15th anniversary.

"I'm probably going to cry a lot on Sunday realizing it's been 15 years and Heklina isn't here anymore," Temprano says. But he says he takes comfort in the fact that there will still be "performers who channel that transgressive drag lineage," including hosts Per Sia (SF's current Drag Laureate), who was one of the first performers on the DTR stage, and Yves Saint Croissant (who has been a part of the behind-the-scenes DTR team for many years.

Temprano says he only hopes that they can set an example for the next generation of queer nightlife hosts and creators, so long as they can keep toe-hold in San Francisco and keep things weird.

"One of the things I'm really aware of is, while it's exciting to be a person who's been throwing a party for 15 years, a new generation should be starting to take up the mantle, doing their own parties. And it's happening, but it's just really, really hard to do these days, and everyone doing it has to work five times as hard as they would in other cities to make it all work and pay the rent."

He adds, "I hope we can continue to give those younger performers a platform, and to give young DJs decks to perform on, so that they can learn and thrive and go on to launch their own stuff."

Daytime Realness happens Sunday at El Rio from 2 pm to 8 pm, and advance tickets are sold out, but there will be some tickets for sale at the door. Guest DJs will be Charles Hawthorne & Bay B Sol, and there will be drag performances by Beef Cakes, Glamputee, Translucent, Bettyie Jayne, and Hennessy Williams.

The party continues, every third Sunday, until October, when it will go on hiatus again until March.

Previously: Another Beloved El Rio Party, Daytime Realness, Triumphantly Returns This Weekend

Top image: Photo by Shot in the City Photography