President Trump’s Federal Bureau of Prisons officials insist they are moving forward with their out-to-lunch scheme to reopen the tourist site Alcatraz as a maximum-security prison, despite that this is all galactically unrealistic.
We’re not sure where President Trump developed his fever-swamp fantasy that Alcatraz could be reopened as a maximum-security prison. It may be because he watched Clint Eastwood’s Escape From Alcatraz and it gave him the tough-guy jollies. Or maybe it’s because of his strange preoccupation with sharks, though Trump probably does not realize that the San Francisco Bay pretty much only has leopard sharks, which do not attack people. There have been literally zero reports of shark attacks in the San Francisco Bay in more than 150 years.
The federal Bureau of Prisons visited Alcatraz last week and “they’ll be coming out again to do assessments of the structure,” the head of the Golden Gate National Recreation Area revealed at a public meeting in the Presidio on Thursday. https://t.co/wLUR7ZkyeE
— San Francisco Chronicle (@sfchronicle) May 23, 2025
Yet still, the Chronicle reports that the Trump administration has been scaling up its plans to make Alcatraz a prison again. That paper notes that Federal Bureau of Prisons officials visited the converted tourist attraction last week, and are planning more visits.
This news actually comes from Golden Gate National Recreation Area superintendent David Smith, speaking at a Thursday meeting at the Presidio’s Golden Gate Club.
“I have been in discussion with folks from the Bureau of Prisons,” Smith said at the meeting. “They have been out here. They’ll be coming out again to do assessments of the structure.”
Smith also added a dash of reason in his remarks. “I don’t think this is likely in our future,” he said, because of the “amount of money that would be necessary” it would take to modernize the dilapidated facility.
The Chronicle report notes that “Few people knowledgeable about Alcatraz think reopening it is realistic.” But this is the Trump administration, there are no “knowledgeable” people involved here!
Federal Bureau of Prisons director William Marshall was on Lara Trump’s Fox News show Monday to explain the state of the plan. And yes, Fox News has given President Trump’s daughter-in-law a show, because that is how deep the corruption, stupidity, and nepotism run in the modern conservative movement.
"When you think of Alcatraz, you think of Fenway Park, Wrigley Field, Lambeau Field, those types of facilities, you just get that kind of feeling about Alcatraz when you think of those historical venues," Marshall said on the show. "And so yeah, we absolutely think we can get it done. We’ve got engineering teams out there now that are doing some assessments, and so I’m just really excited about the opportunity and possibilities."
OK, where to begin unpacking this delusional nonsense? For starters, absolutely fucking no one thinks of Fenway Park and Wrigley Field when they think of Alcatraz.
Moreover, KTVU explains that renovations would require at least a billion dollars, and annual maintenance fees would run about $100 million each year, because everything needs to be shipped in by boat. The whole reason Attorney General Bobby Kennedy shut the prison down in 1963 was because its operation was such an inefficient waste of money.
And as a reminder, three prisoners did escape.
We will leave the final argument against the idea to San Francisco Mayor Daniel Lurie, who took his first real public swipe at Trump, albeit in nebbishly Daniel Lurie fashion. When told of Trump's plans, Lurie told KTVU, “This is not a serious proposal."
Image: Alcatraz Island in San Francisco, USA. (Getty Images)
