SF’s beloved Hunky Jesus and Foxy Mary contests took place online this year — like most events these days. The Easter Sunday 2020 display of scantily dressed Jesus and Mary look-alikes was, truly, a spiritual sight to behold from its respective Zoom and Twitch channels.

The human mind is eternally vigilant, creative, and resourceful. Case in point: the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence shifting one of San Francisco’s most popular events — often attended by 10,000-plus spectators — to an entirely virtual program that doubled as a fundraiser to help the city’s struggling LGBTQ nightlife scene.

And without a doubt, this year's online Hunky Jesus and Foxy Mary competitions helped raise our flush-with-the-floor spirits back up to pre-pandemic, eye-level heights.

Flanked by DJ sets from the likes of DJ Charles Hawthorne, Paul Goodyear, Steve Fabus, DJ Brian Urmanita, and Josette Melchor, fifteen contestants — five Foxy Mary hopefuls and ten rising Hunky Jesus contenders — took to Zoom and Twitch with brief numbers in hopes of soliciting a winning vote from the event’s attendees.

“Yes, I'm a virgin,” said Sister Roma, reading from the bio of one Mary Vice, an ethereal San Francisco muse who frequented local LGBTQ venues prior to the shelter-in-place order. “Yes, I'm a hoe. We exist! Happy Easter!”

But this year’s talented entrants came from all junctions of the country, not just the Bay Area.

Holy Golightly hailed from the peach-loving state of Georgia; Jesus in Seattle sent his sexual prayers from the Emerald City; Quarantined With My In-Laws, faithful to his stage name, delivered a half-naked number in a New Jersey living room — with his second-family crowding behind him in the live stream.

The blasphemous reveals were split into two lineups: one at 1:45 p.m. and the other 2:45 p.m. with church-house-realness spun by DJs in between. And at the end — with enough observed sin to ensure a season pass to say, a hellaciously warm afterlife — attendees were encouraged by the most photographed nun in the world (read: Sister Roma) to take to Instagram and cast their votes.

The newest Hunky Jesus and Foxy Mary winners are expected to be announced sometime this week.

If you’d still like to make a donation to the SF Queer Nightlife Fund, a foundation set up by a group of San Francisco personages who are raising both awareness and money to help support our city’s struggling queer touchstones, you can do so here.

Visit the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence's IG account to see all of this year's Hunky Jesus and Foxy Mary participants.

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Image: Screenshot via Zoom