The bodies of Christs were buffed up and stripped down for the annual Hunky Jesus Contest, and here are the sexy saviors, Foxy Marys, and Bonnet vivants from Easter’s egg-stravaganza.
In a weekend of way too many events to choose from, only one could wear the crown as the historic 40-year anniversary party of the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, the queer and trans nun order known for their garish makeup, charitable acts, and silly sacrilege. As is the Sisters’ annual Easter anniversary custom, the queens anointed a new king of all kings in the beloved blasphemy cosplay competition known as the Hunky Jesus Contest, but SFist also chatted with some of the basket cases from the Easter Bonnet competition and the Foxy Mary contest.
WARNING: Things get slightly NSFW below.
Hollywood Squares funnyman Bruce Vilanch joined as a judge for the annual Easter feast of man-meat known as the Hunky Jesus Contest.
“I want to check to see if he is risen,” Vilanch said, copping feels of the competitors’ qualifications.
“I like long walks on the water,” said Looking Jesus, egg-sposing himself here before the contest.
But the contest came down to Forrest Gump Jesus (left) and Historically Accurate Jesus (right, he was of Middle Eastern descent), after four heats of hot preliminary rounds.
Forrest Gump Jesus did the best with what god gave him, twerking his way to the 2019 Hunky Jesus title. “On his way to Bubba Gump Shrimp,” Vilanch quipped.
Mild weather (and visible Jesus junk) drew thousands for a pleasant but windy afternoon. “I’m afraid my eyelashes are so big I’m going to fly away in the wind,” said co-host Motha Chucka.
The Foxy Mary contest pitted the olive-topped Bloody Mary against a gigantic-breasted Motorboat Mary. “It always comes down to this. Is it booze or tits,” emcee Sister Roma told the crowd.
But Motorboat Mary, whom you may know as Bawdy Storytelling host Dixie De La Tour, cruised to the win. “I talked to all the Foxy Marys backstage and I said, ‘Is everybody down for the fact that if you win, I’m going to be a sore loser and I’m going to throw you down on the stage and motorboat you?,” Motorboat Mary, a.k.a. De La Tour, told SFist. “And they went, ‘Yeah you can do that.’ But I won, so I didn’t have to motorboat anybody, except Sister Dana [Van Inquity].”
The competition was also incredibly fierce in the Bonnet category. Here we see Henny Penny, with her accompanying bonnet creator Ira. “She’s just happy that the sky is not falling down today,” Ira told us.
And peep this intricate bonnet of gold eggs and lovingly handcrafted peep crownery.
But even an out-of-this-world specimen like the one seen above could not win a bonnet battle as competitive as this.
That distinction went to Faberge Terror, an unfolding animatronic headdress with little papal figurines inside.
Sunday’s sunny proceedings were a homecoming to Dolores Park, after the party’s five-year stint at Golden Gate Park’s Hellman Hollow. The return to Dolores did see an increase in attendance for this year’s Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence anniversary, and for the Gay Beach set, the return of the kings came nun too soon.