In preparation for the Republican Party's national convention, that party's delegates have unanimously adopted an amendment to their highly conservative draft platform referring to pornography as "a public health crisis" and a "public menace." Very retro!

“Pornography, with his harmful effects, especially on children, has become a public health crisis that is destroying the life of millions," Yahoo News quotes the amendment. "We encourage states to continue to fight this public menace and pledge our commitment to children’s safety and wellbeing,” the amendment stated."

Those are some honest-to-god, good-old-fashioned, down-with-smut American Values — but here San Francisco, we've been known to abide by a different set of principles. Acting, no doubt, under director orders from His Majesty Satan, one local group is sticking it to the Republicans with a fairly delicious stunt that's at once promotional and political. Kink.com, your friendly neighborhood BDSM pornographers, will offer free access to its online fetish films to all Republican delegates. Maitresse Madeline Marlowe, a director at Kink.com who has quite the way with words, put it this way in an open letter:

Dear Republican Delegates,

We read with dismay that the Republican Party platform committee has endorsed a plank declaring “porn a public health crisis” and a “menace.” While it may not fit with your morals, studies have repeatedly shown that access to adult entertainment is positively correlated with decreases in sex crimes, better performance in bed, and more feminist views of women. (We understand that last one might not be a net positive for you, but we like it.)

Next week, you’ll vote to approve or reject that platform, and we want you to have an informed decision. That’s why we’re offering every credentialled (sic) Republican delegate free access to our sites from now until November 8. Kink has been a leader in ethical production of adult film for nearly two decades, and are proud to celebrate a diverse articulation of sexuality and gender. Unlike those your platform committee, we know the difference between fantasy and reality, the importance of informed decisions about sex, and the necessity of sexual representation. Porn isn’t harmful, but shame around sexuality is.

Now, since social conservatives might be concerned that their, uh, research, might be brought to bear against them, Marlowe proposes the following to ensure their privacy:

All we’ll need from you is proof of your delegate credentials, sent via email. We also understand the value of anonymity in accessing adult material, so as with any of our members, your request will be kept private. Heck, if you’re really concerned, you can even use a burner account — provided that you can adequately demonstrate the credentials (and your age) without revealing your name. We’re not here to shame or expose you you, we’re here to enlighten you.

Delivering one last plug, Marlowe encourages those "bound" delegates who support Donald Trump to check out a recent film of hers: "Make America Gape Again", a severely disturbing porn flick that depicts a group of men wearing Trump masks having sex with a woman representing America.

"Even the Republicans on our site loved it," Marlowe says of her work.

Related: Trump Literally Schlongs America In Horrifying New Kink.com Video