Like a friend who insists on reminding you of the good times you've shared — "Clocks!" remember "Clocks?" — but of whom you've grown somewhat ashamed, Brit-pop "global citizens" Coldplay refused to leave the stage to "guests" Beyoncé and Bruno Mars moments ago at the Super Bowl 50 Halftime show.
You may recall that when we learned of Beyoncé's addition to the snoozer of a headliner, we changed our minds about tuning in to the year's longest advertisement for America, and indeed we promptly awoke when she and Bruno Mars entered the scene.
There was one problem, though: Coldplay's Chris Martin never consciously uncoupled from the stage.
Some noted their confusion with Martin's appearance, asking reasonable questions about him.
Is that Macklemore— DENALI (@timothypmurphy) February 8, 2016
Lmfao at Taraji calling Coldplay, Maroon 5 pic.twitter.com/nU3mKlcRot— Kev Smith (@OfficialKLS) February 8, 2016
Others expressed sympathy that Coldplay was left out of "Formation," as it were.
It's sad that Coldplay's turn in the dance-off didn't get any screen time.— Anil Dash (@anildash) February 8, 2016
Yes just one day after the release of her song, we are fully capable of making jokes based on Beyoncé's newest hit.
Can anyone else in the history of the world release a song and the same day sing it on the motherfucking Super Bowl & we all know the words— Sarah Silverman (@SarahKSilverman) February 8, 2016
For the record, Sarah Silverman keeps hot sauce in her bag, right next to her vape pen.
In the end, a feeble truce was struck, and the three performers managed to occupy the strange, moving stage comfortably.
A quick video history lesson in Super Bowl Halftime Shows, recapping famous performances of yore, told us everything we needed to know about nonlinear progress.
The James Brown to Chris Martin segue.— Jody Rosen (@jodyrosen) February 8, 2016
Honestly, a cut to "Left Shark" would have felt more apt.
And one final touch from the performance was a meaningless message we could all agree on: Love. And Rainbows.
WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS THERE IS NO LOVE IN FOOTBALL YOU LOSERS pic.twitter.com/8GSXM5OEDq— Drew Magary (@drewmagary) February 8, 2016
That's right: very #lovewins, no? Did Super Bowl 50 just successfully appropriate the iconography of the gay marriage movement? I don't know, but welcome to the Bay Area, so glad you could make it!