This week's episode brings us that glorious clip from the original trailer of Richard getting slapped by that suburban 10-year-old who tells him to "Get the f**k out of here," and it features him feeling competitive with another youngster, a precocious teenage hacker/coder known only as The Carver, who's infamous for hacking into Bank of America and taking down their entire system.
The team wants to bring in a contractor, mostly at Jared and Erlich's insistence, to help Richard in one of the area's he's least skilled in: cloud programming. This brings them to end up interviewing The Carver, who's an obnoxious young brat who commands fees of $10,000 a day to do coding assignments, in between school and model U.N. meetings. Erlich wins him over with a blowjob joke, and despite Richard's protests, The Carver (whose name is actually Kevin) comes to Pied Piper HQ for a weekend of speedy cloud coding.
Meanwhile, Gilfoyle, who appears to do no work in this episode, has his busty girlfriend Tara with "an Amy Winehouse vibe" visiting from Canada, and we're forced to see him walk around in a post-coitus towel. He ends up getting stoned and telling Dinesh that Tara wants to have sex with him, and Gilfoyle says he's cool with it and takes pleasure in seeing his loved one gratified by others, sending Dinesh into a tailspin of conflict and pent-up horniness. He ultimately decides, despite all the cons of getting intimate with someone who's recently been intimate with Gilfoyle, that he's just that hard up and approaches Tara saying "Yes, I would love to have sexual relations with you." But it was all just a cruel joke that Gilfoyle made up because he was stoned, and he has a nice laugh over this.
Having a girl in the house also sends Erlich into competition mode, donning a pair of tiny swim trunks and peacocking for Tara, slowly driven mad by the idea that someone might find Dinesh more attractive than him. Erlich and Dinesh are convinced, in the midst of this, to come along with Tara and Gilfoyle to an insane meeting of Satanists where the database administrator for Yahoo is getting baptized into Satanism. The scene is, needless to say, pretty funny.
The most hilarious part of the episode is the subplot with Jared, who after a meeting at Peter Gregory's office in which we're introduced to the man-made island Peter is building in the middle of the ocean, Arallon, on the International Dateline, which was obviously inspired by this thing that venture capitalist Peter Thiel is allegedly building gets stuck in Peter Gregory's driver-less car. The car begins taking him back to Pied Piper HQ, but then mid-way into the trip, the destination gets overridden and begins heading to the destination it was supposed to go to the following day, which was into a container at the Port of Oakland, where it's loaded onto a container ship and taken to the under-construction island. Jared is then locked into this container for the 103-hour journey to Arallon. Thankfully we do not get any details on how he relieves himself or if he had to drink his own pee or anything, but presumably he had no food or water and this could have ended badly. But it's comedy! So it doesn't.
The only drama in this otherwise unexciting episode involves Richard handing over access to the main database architecture (or something) of Pied Piper to Kevin, in order to help him solve a problem, which leads to Kevin taking down the entire system by accident, which turns out to be what he did at Bank of America too, while working for them he didn't actually hack in, but he's legally disallowed from telling people what really happened. Kevin then runs out of Adderol (Jared had the prescription filled, and it's now floating in the middle of the Pacific), and is too exhausted and depressed to help Richard fix everything. Richard goes out to some 10-year-old kids down the block to score some Adderol. A clever young tike decides to sell him something fake, and when he comes back to confront him about, this is when the slap occurs, and the "Get the fuck outta here" and "Keep runnin'!" lines happen. Erlich has to come to the rescue, and bully the kid back into submission, telling him, "I'll kill your father, I'll rape your mother, and I'll curb-stomp your little face" until he runs in the house and gets him the Adderol.
And this week's kicker shows us Jared emerging from that shipping container with a few days worth of beard growth, only to find he's on a wind-swept platform in the Pacific, still under construction, and seemingly inhabited only by robots.
Arallon.
