Yelp reviews of the San Francisco county jail (barely holding a 2.5-star ranking) will set your caged heart free and/or enlighten those of you who might have to stay there one day. Behold:

Meg N of Concord (three stars) writes:

"Now sleeping arrangements. You can get lucky and find a cuddle buddy to share body heat with, or get some sleep under your combined coats, but sleep is only possible if your other drunk compatriots aren't banging incessantly on the glass insisting they are better than everyone on the other side...I give two [stars] for the dining service. I got not one but TWO milks, and an extra pair of socks to use as hand mittens....Don't smile during your mug shot they don't happen to particularly like that."

Bernard K. of San Bruno (five stars) write about his 2011 stint in the clink:

"Today I got back with my girlfriend ([she's] the reason I got put in this semi hotel). I was here for about a week and I had great time. My mom doesn't let me go out, so it was like a prom or social gathering but with all guys. I felt cool. It gave me a feeling of importance. My girlfriend said she likes bad boys so I think I turned her on when I was in here. The food was okay. Not the best and I would have done anything for cup noodles from J&D. I felt like a man for once in my life and I can't stop telling all my friends."

Jayne B. San Francisco (one star) notes:

"First of all, there's NO coffee (unless some kind soul gives you a sip of the instant coffee they bought thru the commissary). You wake up at 4 am for 'breakfast,' then 5 am again if you're on chores, then at 7 am you have to sit up for "count" or you could be put into isolation (all privileges, like visits and free time, [can also be] taken away)...No one knew when I was supposed to be released. Three different departments had three different dates for me and then I got surprised by getting released on none of them."

And finally, Alex G of San Francisco has a humorous take on his turn at the city's jailhouse:

"Alas, I had to review one of my 'fave' new establishments here in 'Frisco, how could I not? After an incredible 72-hour stay down at 850 Byrant spent making new friends and enjoying the wonderfully supportive actions of the local legal system, I felt it was time to get the word out about this joint. If you're looking to get away for a couple of days or so (weekends are usually booked solid, see below) or maybe you weren't even plannin' on it, go ahead and read on! Note: you get to stay at least 48 hours longer if you book a 'reservation' late on a Friday, Saturday or Sunday! My brief but memorable stay was highlighted by the following:

[...]

* Entertainment:
-LOVED the wide selection of books, magazines, newspapers to choose from...wait.......
-They seem to prefer Court TV over MTV.....ahem....
-Awesome loudspeaker system which provides HD-quality surround sound
-Millions of dots to count on the ceilings, walls
-Spectacular 1/3 views of the city from behind inviting frosted glass....."