Look, it's too late to call in sick. You're already at your desk. Hindsight is 20/20, and you fucked up. But the weather today will be record-breaking. It's park weather. It's warm weather. In January. And you're stuck behind a computer right now, wondering if there are any 100 Grand Bars left in the vending machine. (There are none; they won't be restocked until next Tuesday.) But it's not too late. You can get out of work today, if you play it smart. If you're willing. If you use one of these helpful tips:
1. Pet emergency. The dog walker called and you need to go pick up Sapphire at the vet. (Next day explain that she just ate a garbage bag, pooped it out later, and everything was fine.)
2. Food poisoning is always popular. The more specific the better. ("The same thing happened last week when I ate arugula. Maybe I'm allergic?" is a good line.)
3. Oral surgery / emergency dental work
4. Emergency plumbing issue - need to wait for plumber
5. Garage door broken, need to wait for repair to get my car out. (Say your spouse has to go to work, so you'll need to telecommute for the rest of the day.)
6. Landlord and/or roommate emergency is always a winner [Ed. note: The SFist staff has used this many times with great success!]
7. Anything that's contagious. (Poison oak rash, flu, etc. People will beg you to stay home. Rap your arm or thigh several times with a ruler if asked to present physical evidence.)
8. Car impounded
9. Too hungover to work. (Only works if your boss is an alcoholic. Also, this could result in your termination/intervention. Tread lightly.)
10. Emergency call. (There's an app that calls you so you can fake an emergency situation.)
Note: As any manager can tell you, Muni/BART-related excused are the weakest. You can get to almost anywhere in SF in one hour by foot. Also, you can jump on AC or take a cab over the bridge. Plus, Muni/Bart snafus are tracked online.
Jay Barmann, Andrew Dalton, Rose Garrett, and Brock Keeling contributed to this article/used some or all of these excuses with great success.