We write these words to you while curled up in the fetal position from inside a panic room buried miles beneath the Earth's surface. This weekend, you see, San Francisco will be riddled with events. Many events. Dangerous events. Events that will bring countless people with questionable tastes and attire into precious Baghdad by the Bay. All we can do is hope for the best. And pray. Pray for sunlight come Monday morning. Next up? The Giants and the 49ers.

On Sunday, scores of football fans will bombard public transportation and city streets with drunken merriment and garish red-white color combinations. The Niners take on the Bills at 1:25 p.m. Sunday. Beware. But be happy. The Niners are doing well.

On Saturday and Sunday, your San Francisco Giants take on the Reds in their first postseason games at AT&T Park. Dusty Baker will make a return, so that should be fun. Also, the games starts at 6:37 p.m. on Saturday and at noon time TBA on Sunday. (For those of you sans tickets, you can always watch the game from Public House or Mijita. Which we strongly suggest. We watched the entire 2010 World Series from Mijita. It was magical.) Needless to say, Mission Bay and Eastern SoMa will be packed.

Previously: Everything's Happening This Weekend: Hardly Strictly Castro Cup
Everything's Happening This Weekend: Fleet Week, Food Trucks