God save us all, you guys, for everything is happening in San Francisco this weekend! What will Mayor Ed Lee do about it? Get this: he's allowing it all to happen. He claims that we're up for the challenge. Unbelievable! Blame the downtown machine after you wake up to find a gay/hippie/Chinese tourist couple and their three kids occupying your living room. But above all else, be sure to panic. For it is all we can do before the weight of bridge-and-tunnel ilk plunge the geographical nub of San Francisco into the bay. Next up? Hardly Strictly, Castro Street Fair, and the America's Cup.

Castro Street Fair is one of the most important times of year since it represent the end of summer in the city. Yes, perogies, chiropractor booths, and watered-down beer represent the end of summer days and the start of crisp autumn. And the Castro will be packed come Sunday, so please don't even think of driving into or around the area. The Ethel Merman Experience will return to the Main Stage, with Le Vice, Roosevelt Radio and French Cassettes; and "Chloe Sevigny" (aka Drew Droege) will host the Red Rock Stage for the second year. The public decency goes down on Sunday.

Hardly Strictly Bluegrass Festival, happening Friday, Saturday and Sunday, will all but assure a messy commute in and around Golden Gate Park. Elvis Costello, Ben Kweller, Jenny Lewis, Patty Griffin, Robert Earl Keen, Les Claypool, Emmylou Harris, and Patti Smith are just a few of the gilded names who plan on lighting up the stage with their twang and croon.

America's Cup boasts men and their overpriced toys that float in the water. And you won't want to miss it. Well, you won't want to miss the parties surrounding the big-boy regatta. That's what we hear, anyway. It will all be very Pretty Woman at the LA Derby, minus stomping of any divots, wearing of polkadot dress-hat combos, or Jason Alexander spottings. The much-ballyhooed boating race will crowd the Embarcadero and piers. Ahoy, indeed.

Previously: Everything's Happening This Weekend: Fleet Week, Food Trucks