Oh, brother. Valentine's Day is on its way. It's that time of year again when your coupled friends pretend not to celebrate the Hallmark Card holiday, which is merely their tissue-thin guise to do some stupid Cameron Crowe-esque indie-rock shit like split a veggie burrito and an Odwalla Superfood between them while sitting on 24th Street. It's also a day when single folks are terribly, terribly bitter and cynical. Ahem. Anyway, OpenTable's diners voted on the 100 most romantic restaurants in the United States — and San Francisco came up with only two. So, you know, grain of salt time.

Out of 5 million reviews submitted by OpenTable diners for more than 12,000 restaurants in all 50 states, Russian Hill's Acquerello ("the 50 seat dining room is softly illuminated with light from polished brass lamps which dances off an extensive collection of crystal decanters and a large floral bouquet greeting guests as they enter") and Nob Hill's Fleur de Lys ("full dinner is available at the bar without reservations") are considered the romantic spots in San Francisco. Again, this is according to OpenTable diners. They also picked The Melting Pot, a restaurant chain of which we had never heard of until the baiting press release landed in our inbox, as the most romantic place to eat.

Pshaw, we say. Pshaw. Here's our list for the top romantic spots to eat come Valentine's Day: Saison, Outerlands, the back patio at Blue Plate, the afternoon buffet at gentlemen's club The Gold Club, and the Safeway platter of free crudité and ranch dressing found at Martuni's during happy hour.