ST. PATRICK'S: If you're not drunk by now, you're doing it wrong. So be sure to check out SFist's guide to getting blotto tonight in the name of the Irish, leprechaun's, clovers leafs, and gingers. Also, if the mood should strike, head over to Farley's Coffee 20th Anniversary and St. Patrick's Day Celebration, featuring music and dancing, and a performance Soul Delights.

now until 10 p.m. // Farley's Coffee House (1315 - 18th Street) // free

COMEDY: "Marijuana comedian" Rob Cantrell will have you rolling joints while you're rolling in the aisles. Heh.

8 p.m. // Punch Line (444 Battery) // $15

FILM: In Darby O'Gill and the Little People (1959), a leprechaun comes between a man and his gold. This old Disney flick also features a pre-007 Sean Connery.

5, 7, 8:55 // Castro Theatre (Castro & Market streets) // $9.50