By now, you’ve heard it reported that Ed Jew got called up for Jury Duty on Monday. Well, I was actually in his juror pool and got to see the whole thing go down! I was selected (he wasn’t. Something about residency, I guess?) so I have been unable to discuss it. But the parties settled yesterday, so the story of My Jury Duty With Ed Jew can now be told!

I started seeing him several times early Monday morning waiting his turn in the basement Juror Assembly Room at 400 McAllister. Every time I walked by him, I thought, "Haha! That guy totally looks like Ed Jew. Haha!" It’s kind of dark down in that basement area, and I had trouble distinguishing things. And why wouldn’t I? I had just smoked an enormous doobie walking from Civic Center to the Superior Court house.

But when we both got called up in the afternoon, to the bright lights and smaller quarters of an individual court room, it was unmistakable. Granted, he has gotten remarkably good at glancing back discouragingly at people who stare at him thinking, "Holy f***! Is that Ed Jew?" But I got in enough stares to know it was him. Hilariously, there was actually a moment at which the judge asked aloud, "Is anyone here not a resident of San Francisco?" Of course at that moment, Ed Jew doesn’t do or say s***.

And then the bomb that everyone in that court room who reads the papers or just loves his name is waiting for finally drops.

So what happened??? Click on the jump!