What self-satisfying San Franciscan wouldn’t want this masturbatory aid called the Coitus Tower? It of course pays homage to the SF’s Coit Tower that was ‘erected’ in 1933.

It is hardly a novel joke to point out that Telegraph Hill’s 210-foot tall Coit Tower is shaped very much like a phallus. (See also Salesforce Tower.) But it is quite novel to design, mass-manufacture, and sell a Coit Tower shaped dildo, known as the “Coitus Tower.” And that is exactly what someone is now doing.

It may not surprise you how that “someone” is local bon vivant Broke-Ass Stuart, who announced the Coitus Tower on his website Wednesday. The dildo is a collaboration with the “customizable silicone toy” brand Freely, and is being sold via Freely’s online shop.

“For anyone who’s ever said ‘Fuck San Francisco’, now you can!,” Broke-Ass Stuart writes on his blog. “Whether you buy this to pleasure yourself, have it sit on your bookshelf, or send it to your favorite SF hater as a not so subtle ‘up yours’, you’re going to be satisfied."

Screenshot: Freely Toys

As seen above, the Coitus Tower is available in your choice of 11 different colors, and the product is described as “100% body safe platinum-cure silicone.” It’s also phthalate-free, latex-free, and waterproof. The dildo’s maximum width is listed at 1.45 inches, with a respective maximum girth of 4.55 inches. It’s total length is listed at six inches, but with an “insertable length” of 5.4 inches.

The Coitus Tower dildo is priced at $64, which feels like Broke-Ass Stuart missed a “nice” opportunity to price it at $69.

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Image: Freely Toys