Oh this should be fun and embarrassing. Serial shyster Donald Trump, who used to hold some kind of government job, is reportedly planning to launch his own social media platform now that he's been banned from Twitter and Facebook.

Longtime Trump lackey Jason Miller was on Fox News on Sunday, speaking to Howard Kurtz on the show "MediaBuzz," when he announced that Trump is planning a return to social media "in probably about two or three months" — this time on his own as-yet unnamed platform, as CNN reports. This is hilarious because a) of course he is, and b) of course he and the idiots he surrounds himself with think they can build Twitter in two or three months.

Well, maybe he's going to buy Parler or something dumb like that. But Miller went on to assert that Trump would attract "tens of millions of followers" on said platform, and it will "completely redefine the game" of social media.

HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAA.

Trump has long been rumored to want to launch a media company of some kind, and it makes perfect sense that he would start with social media given that he must be in serious withdrawal now that he hasn't been able to express his every cognitive fart on Twitter for millions to read and thousands to retweet for over two months. Remember the day last June when he took time out from presidenting to tweet and retweet 200 times in one day, clearly worked up about the national debate over police brutality and the protests over the death of George Floyd?

Trump was permanently banned from Twitter, as CEO Jack Dorsey vaguely promised he would be once he was no longer president, following the events of January 6 and his egregious encouragement of sedition and continued lies about the 2020 election. He was also tentatively banned from Facebook that same week, though Facebook's "supreme court" has yet to rule on whether his ban should be permanent.

According to Miller, per Vanity Fair, Trump has been having "a lot of high-power meetings" at Mar-a-Lago, and "it’s not just one company that’s approached the president, there have been numerous companies."

Still, given that destroying democracy and overt racism aren't looked upon so kindly by most respectable tech companies and existing platforms, it's likely been one motley crew of lesser and conservative leaning tech figures who've been traipsing down to Florida — and no doubt Parler is one of them. Parler was de-platformed by Amazon Web Services back in January for failing to police the violence-inducing content of its users, and it has since relaunched with help from Epik, the domain-hosting service that has given a haven to other de-platformed sites.

But maybe Trump won't want to do business with a company that's already in a bit of a pickle with no presence in the Google or Apple app stores, and therefore it's unable to attract new mobile users? Trump was reported to be in talks to take a 40% ownership stake in Parler, but those negotiations broke down after the Amazon de-platforming, according to BuzzFeed News.

As of January 7, Trump had not even opened an account on Parler.

Without having Twitter as a place with a wide audience on which he can post things from morning toilet to bedtime, Trump has likely been feeling more desperate than usual to satiate his narcissism. He's taken to putting out tweet-sized statements through his comms team — in press releases, like olden times — like this one on March 10 in which he said, "I hope everyone remembers when they’re getting the COVID-19 (often referred to as the China Virus) Vaccine, that if I wasn’t president, you wouldn‘t be getting that beautiful ‘shot’ for 5 years, at best, and probably wouldn’t be getting it at all. I hope everyone remembers!" Nice repetition there, but isn't the desperation of his needing to make sure people heard him say this delicious in its own way, sans Twitter? It smacks of a has-been actor faxing a statement to a local news station to say, "I'm not dead! Fake news!"

Trump's return to the internet was inevitable, but we can only hope it's short-lived. It won't take long for a narcissist of his caliber to scrap the whole thing if his new platform fails to garner the followers — remember how he loves to talk about his TV ratings? — he thinks it will. Because fewer and fewer people care about him every day, he has 29 (and counting) civil and criminal lawsuits pending against him or his properties, and he's very unlikely to be a viable candidate for a third run for president in three years.

As political historian Allan Lichtman, who's correctly predicted every presidential contest since the 1980s, told the Miami Herald last week, "He’s got $400 million-plus in loans coming due. His brand is failing. His businesses are failing. He has a huge IRS audit. He doesn’t hold office anymore. He’s lost his Twitter feed. That’s a lot of baggage for somebody to run for president."

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