by Daisy Barringer
Yesterday at 1 p.m., I was forced to make what should have been an easy choice, but was actually anything but. I could spend the next three hours snowboarding at Squaw Valley, the wind whistling in my ears as I glided down pristine snow-covered slopes. Or I could find a bar willing to actually put on the 49ers game and spend the next three hours staring at the television bored out of my mind.
I wish I could say I picked the former, but hi, it’s me. No one reading this (is anyone still reading this?) thought I picked snowboarding over the Niners for even a second. No, I did what I was expected to do. I found a seat in a bar called the Auld Dubliner, ordered a Bud Light, and proceeded to suffer. Sure, I could blame myself for continuing to watch this abhorrent team take the field every week, but instead I’ll blame Jed York because 1.) That’s so much more fun and 2.) This really IS all his fault. I mean, I bet HE doesn’t even pay attention to the games and instead spends the majority of the time gleefully checking his bank account and emailing with his financial advisor about the best way to turn his truckloads of cash into trainloads of cash because it’s unfortunately true that millions and millions of dollars make being the most hated man in the Bay Area kind of not a big deal.
Anyway, yesterday’s game sucked. There were a lot of injuries—ILB Nick Bellore, WR Quinton Patton, TE Blake Bell, and CB Jimmie Ward were all knocked out of the game in the first half—and LB Gerald Hodges wasn’t allowed to play for what was either a “rules violation” (according to Trent Baalke) or a “coach’s decision” (according to Chip Kelly). (Good to know those guys can’t even get on the same page about something as simple as that.) But if you think I’m going to blame this loss on injuries than this is obviously your first time at the “Daisy Does the Niners” rodeo. Yes, the fact that the 49ers basically had no one to play inside linebacker was obviously a huge hit, but we all know the Niners were going to get their asses handed to them even if half of the defense wasn’t playing a different position than the one they played last week. And, sure, Colin Kaepernick basically has no one left to pass to, but it’s not like he was completing passes even when he had a more robust receiving corps. It sucks to watch guys go down no matter what the circumstance (and it’s possibly even more painful when you know they’re playing for nothing), but injuries are not what did this team in yesterday.
Of course, I was rooting for a loss. Any fan with a half a brain is at this point. But just because I want the 49ers to lose doesn’t mean I also want them to look like a JV high school team. It would be nice if they were slightly competitive and didn’t allow things like, oh, I dunno: the Falcons to go up 21-0 with two minutes left in the first quarter. Or if we didn’t have to see our defense set the franchise single season record for rushing yards allowed. Seemingly small things to ask for, and yet here we are.
Unfortunately, the 49ers abysmal play wasn’t even the most depressing thing to happen yesterday. That whole rumor that was swirling around last week that Jed York was going to be removed from power because HE SUCKS AT HIS JOB? Yeah, his dad said yesterday that it’s “completely” false. Jed’s not going anywhere. So not only did fans have to watch a totally boring football game, we had to do so knowing that there’s a really good chance this team will continue to play horrible football for years to come. Because even if Jed does get rid of his bestie Trent Baalke, Jed will STILL be the CEO who fired Harbaugh because he was a sensitive little bear who couldn’t handle Harbaugh’s gruff personality. And if an NFL organization is being run by a “man” who makes all of the important decisions based on his feelings and not what’s best for the team Then there really isn’t any hope for anyone.
The good news? There are only two games left this season. Six more hours of dreadful football. We’ve got this. Beer helps.
Next week: The (1-13) 49ers travel to Los Angeles to play the (4-10) Rams. Yes, the Rams suck. No, that doesn’t mean the Niners will actually win. After all, the game is being played on Christmas Eve and if there’s one thing Jed York loves to do, it’s ruin holidays. Merry Christmas or whatever.