Isn't it about time that San Francisco passed common sense Santacon laws? I'm talking, of course, about a complete ban.
If you're blissfully unaware of the annual scourge, allow me to ruin your day. Santacon, a massive pub crawl, is exactly like Saint Patrick's Day but completely arbitrary and without historical precedent and way worse and with Santa Claus costumes instead of green outfits.
What's so bad about that? Oh, I don't know, what's so bad about the absurd entitlement of hordes of twentysomethings getting ultra wasted in public and in bars, most prominently in North Beach, Union Square, and the Marina? If that just sounds like Bay to Breakers to you, well, it is sort of, but at least Bay to Breakers has a cool history, creative costumes, and components that aren't just belligerent drinking, and Bay to Breakers has plenty of problems too, so bad comparison.
For real, unequivocal, first-hand confirmation that Santacon is indeed bad and wrong and should be stopped, simply ask any bartender who has ever dealt with a drunk fratbro in a santa costume.
It hasn't always been this way: What began here in San Francisco in 1994 with a slightly subversive Burning Man bent, created by a group called the Cacophony Society, has lost whatever charm it may once have had, spreading like a virus to cities like Chicago and New York, where it's also a problem. Last year we grew hopeful when Santacon's San Francisco Twitter account announced that the event was over, done, kaput. But to believe that was wishful thinking: Organizers attributed the tweet to an unauthorized takeover of the account.
To literally rain on Santacon's parade, let me point out that inclement weather this weekend may dampen the spirits and moisten the red coats of this year's shitfaced revelers. The event takes place Saturday from noon until whenever people call an Uberpool to get home and throw up in it.
If you want to be sure to avoid the bars actively inviting so-called Santas with cheap drinks and shots, like usual suspects Bar None and newcomers including expensive ping-pong bar SPiN, consult the map below. Santacon is also sending out information to 17,000 people on Facebook who say they'll attend, plus 33,000 who have indicated they're interested, so consult that for your addd safety.
Finally, some establishments with common sense have banned Santas in years past. A few of those are denoted with X's below, but to be completely safe, you may want to stay out of North Beach and Union Square altogether.