by Daisy Barringer
I fully admit that I’ve become that fan The one who sees how truly terrible her team is and is therefore rooting for draft position over wins. Still, if there was one game I wanted the 49ers to win in this dumpster fire of a season, it was yesterday’s match-up against the New England Patriots. To be fair, it’s not like the Pats are big rivals. If anything, Tom Brady gets a lot of love in the Bay Area since he was born in San Mateo and grew up a Niners fan. But I can’t stand his smug pretty boy face. Or that he has as many Super Rings as Joe. Throw in how obnoxious New England fans are (although thank you to the ones who paid me double face value for my tickets!), Belichick’s heinous sweatshirts, including the one he wore yesterday that boasted “VI Rings,” and the fact that he and owner Robert Kraft are big Trump supporters and well, yeah: I really wanted to see the team suffer an embarrassing defeat at the hands of one of the worst teams in the NFL.
The worst part is that for a second, I believed it may actually happen. I mean, not really because I’m a smart girl and I know this 49ers team is not capable of beating New England’s practice squad much less the actual team that’s 1st in the AFC East, but it did seem like it could happen for a minute there, right? Because, in reality, a team that is only trailing by three points after 45 minutes should have a chance to win the game. Of course, the actual reality is that this is the 2016 San Francisco 49ers and their favorite thing to do is totally implode in the 4th quarter. And when Tom Brady opened up the 4th quarter with back-to-back touchdown passes in a five-minute span Yeah, I just took a long sip of my beer, nodded, and said, “Those are the Niners I know and tolerate.” How sad that while once I wasn’t comfortable until the 49ers got the win, now I’m only comfortable when we’re getting our asses handed to us.
Of course, the fact that the Niners were in the game for a solid three quarters means it wasn’t all bad. Kap was making great passes until he wasn’t. Carlos Hyde ran for 86 yards. And, uh, Phil Dawson made his 400th career field goal, so go him!
But Kap was also sacked five times in the first half (oddly, the pass protection was better in the second half, which is when Kap went 8 of 21 for 90 yards). And our defense continues to perform poorly against the pass (Brady threw for 280 yards and four touchdowns) AND the run (La Garrette Blounte ran 19 times for 124 yards). Oh and—fun fact time!—Chip Kelly is now the first coach in 49ers history to lose nine straight games in a season. That fact is only going to even get more “fun” as there’s a pretty decent chance he won’t get another win this year.
All of this leads us to the same question we’ve been asking for weeks now: What is going to change next year? Obviously, we’d all like to see Jed York gone, but, as we’ve discussed many times, that’s never going to happen. It’s almost impossible to imagine York keeping Trent Baalke—after all, the lack of personnel is totally on him—but York is The Worst at his job, so it’s also totally easy to imagine him keeping Baalke. (Yes, I realize I’m contradicting myself, but if you’re a Niners fan, you get it.)
So then what? Chip Kelly gets the axe? Kelly is already trying to shift the blame to Baalke; he pointed out in his press conference yesterday that the 49ers roster just doesn’t cut it when he said, “We’re not good enough to throw it every down When we get down like we did, it just turns into a throw-every-down game and we’re not built for that right now.” And while Kelly is absolutely correct in his assessment (that any six-year-old could also have made), unfortunately for him, York loves to fire a head coach.
Is there a chance we could see both Trent Baalke AND Chip Kelly fired come January 2017? In reality, there should be a very good chance, but I can’t see Jed York making a move that big. He strikes me as too insecure. Too feeble. Too incompetent. And if York does fire Baalke, maybe that will be because he realizes Kelly didn’t have a lot to work with and therefore hasn’t even shown us what he’s actually capable of. In which case, perhaps it does make sense to keep Chip around a little longer.
All I know is that if Jed York can’t make some big moves and turn this team around, I hope he’s prepared to refund me the price of my SBL. Because, ultimately, all of this—our shitty season, our shitty team, our shitty coaching staff, our shitty front office, and our shitty stadium—that’s on him. And, god, do I truly despise him for it. Me and every other 49ers fan. Not that he cares even a little.
Oh well. At least the 49ers don’t play on Thanksgiving this year! That’s one thing they can’t ruin. Instead, Thanksgiving will probably be ruined by your drunk uncle who voted for Trump. Which is maybe even worse. Sorry about that.
Next Week: The 49ers travel to Miami to play the (6-4) Dolphins. There’s not a chance in hell we win. Yay football!
Follow @daisy on Twitter.