Haven't you always wanted to "find a cultural Mecca?" Or maybe you're more the type searching for "a quietly concealed modern powder room, perfect for guests during an evening of artistic revelry?" No? Too cokey? Well then, how about something "just steps away from Trick Dog?" These are just a few of the descriptions that Mission District artist Kelly Niland found while looking through February real estate listings in her 94110 zip code. And instead of merely letting out a terribly loud groan of frustration, the designer did us all a favor and compiled some of the more absurd gems into the wonderful Mission Realty Bingo pictured above.

“Mostly, I just want to get it out there, because it makes me crazy trying to act like this is normal,” Niland explained to the Chronicle.

Indeed, if these listings are normal than we live in strange times (or maybe just a strange place). Here are some of our favorites — leaving the all-caps formatting of the poster as it just seems appropriate — presented without further comment:

  • THE BEST OF EVERYTHING
  • THIS SEEMS OF NO CONSEQUENCE ON SUNNY AFTERNOONS WHILE FAMILIES RECLINE ALONG DOLORES PARK'S COMFORTABLY SLOPING LANDSCAPE
  • A FOOD EXPERIENCE BEYOND COMPARE
  • THE MASTER SUITE IS BEYOND PARALLEL IN THE UNIVERSE OF AVERAGE LOFT SPACES
  • THE EPITOME OF SAN FRANCISCO LIVING

If you'd like to get your hands on one of the posters, Niland informed SFist that she will be selling them at three spots around the city — Campfire Gallery, Aggregate Supply, and Industrious Life — starting tomorrow. The posters are 13x19” and are letterpress-printed.

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Related: Realtor Creates 'The Quad': San Francisco's Most Appalling/Intriguing New Neighborhood

Photo via Kelly Niland.