As the northwesternmost -ist site, it falls upon us to report on news coming from our friends in Oregon — for example, the armed ranchers who took over a federal building, or the firearms enthusiasts who waved guns at President Obama as he met with victims of a mass shooting. But this Oregon tale doesn't involve a gun...but what the subject of this tale has in his pants is still not an indication that he's happy to see you.

For, as reported by Fox 29, a man shopping at Portland's A to Z Pets last week swiped $200 worth of merchandise, in the form of a "black pastel ball python." Which he hid in or very near his drawers.

Owner Christin Bjugan says that she got a call on Friday that the snake was gone, then "spent the better part of her Saturday reviewing surveillance footage" at the store. Through the magic of her many cameras, she saw a man reach into the python's cage, then, as she put it: "You'll see him put it in his pants -- yuck. Just drops it right in the front."

Shortly thereafter, the man — who Bjugan says she's seen in her store in the past Bjugan — fled while "trying to act like there's not a snake in his pants."

"He's lucky it wasn't feeding day," she said.

"Feeding days are on Mondays. And they're very hungry."

As of Monday afternoon, the suspected snake snatcher remains on the loose. As does, it appears, the snake. Better watch out, you Vanilla-Ice-looking python purloiner, you...as Bjugan said, yesterday was feeding day so god only knows how hungry that serpent is today!