We're back! It's 2016, and even though, according to some sources, apartment rents may be finally coming down slightly along with those in the rest of the country, housing in SF is going to continue to be a source of sadness for many. So, until that changes, or until you're all really bored of it, this column will trudge on.
And today, I bring you an unconventional listing to kick off the new year. This one does not come to us from Craigslist, and does not actually appear to be available for rent currently, but it's notable for a number of reasons, not the least of which are dozens of HORRIFIC photos of the squalor in which some renters are currently living in an outer sector of the city.
The house in question is a three-story, five-bedroom, three-bath single-family home at 47 Lobos Street in Oceanview. It's on the market for sale, as SFGate shows us, as a tenant-occupied building for $725,000, which for a property of this size might be a deal if it weren't for the fact that the owner clearly has not given a shit about this place for years, the tenants are hoarders and slobs, however many there are, and the owner just wants to wash his or her hands of this dump.
Also, whoever shot these photos for MLS the listing agent? the owner?? clearly did not give a fuck. Here's the lede image on Zillow:
They didn't bother having the house cleaned, let alone fumigated, and they appear to have delighted in taking photos of the place as-is, in all its stupidly cluttered glory.
And, like, what is up with this shot? Crutch and all...
Or this creatively framed image of a trash pile.
Here we have a lovely overhead view of the backyard, where a tree once grew.
Even this pit bull is like "What the fuck is this place? Get me out of here, please."
And this is curious: Here's an image from the kitchen, where I found myself wondering if that was a half watermelon on the counter with Saran wrap over it.
Then there's an image from the garage, where we see that someone actually brought home a whole palette, or maybe two, of watermelons. How long do those last? And who can eat that much watermelon?
And, clearly, these are people who really believe in Metro Shelves for organizing the chaos. Or at least for making it go from floor to ceiling.
In further evidence, if you needed it, of this photographer really not giving a fuck if this thing sells, or about the privacy of those living there, the person or persons residing in the garage/ground floor/basement appear to be growing and drying weed, which is clearly visible.
As for bathrooms, they are very, very sad too.
In one case, it appears a child's or former child's shower has become a storage area for a SpongeBob pillow and some other crap.
For the pleasure of living here, according to the listing, the tenants are paying $3500, which in this market, for a three-bedroom in that neighborhood, might not seem so high, but for this place it seems like highway robbery although the monstrous clutter is the fault of the tenants, no doubt.
Also, it's clearly a "buyer beware" situation, because these tenants have staked a claim here with all that clutter they have made their mark, and they're probably there to stay.
But I'll just leave you with this last image and beg you all, for your own sanity in this new year, to go through your own homes and throw out everything you don't need or really want to have around you, because there but for the grace of your holy power go you.
Somebody call A&E.
All previous editions of Apartment Sadness.
