After last week's relative reprieve, we're back to out and out sadness this week with a tent that some dude is renting on his deck in San Anselmo. But it gets even worse with this $760/mo outdoor living experience: He's offering $160 "work credit" per month for gardening and yard work.

Yes, if you do this asshole's lawn mowing and hedge trimming, he'll discount the rent to $600. So generous! (The ad, meanwhile, has been flagged for removal.)

It is, as you can see, a large "safari tent," with a 9-foot-by-12-foot interior and a peaked roof. It is listed as "heated," though I'm not sure how that works. Says the dude, "It's actually a sweet space, private, feels like a tree house on a deck quite a ways above the sloped hillside below."

Yes, you'll be greeted each morning with the splendor of Marin County and the lush hills of San Anselmo, and you'll be preparing your breakfast on a hot plate in an "adjacent 100 sq. ft. covered area" which also has a mini-fridge.

The rest of the deck, including the chaise lounge pictured above, would also be yours to roam around on.

Here would be the view.


You would be allowed into the main house to use the bathroom, which is nice. Added bonus: "Shared use of hot tub, sauna and small pool on property."

But if you want to bring someone home to have sex, you will have to show them this and admit, "This is where I live."


It may be more of a second-date killer than a boner killer, but such is your life.

This guy obviously figures if somebody can get $1000 a month for a tent in Mountain View, he ought to be able to get $600 and some free yard work for his tent in Marin, and it is admittedly much more spacious.

But what an asshole, right? Is there a spare bedroom in that two-bath house he doesn't describe? I bet there is! He just doesn't want an actual roommate and he clearly has issues with sharing a kitchen — otherwise why create this outdoor "food prep area"?

And what about raccoons and bird shit and all that? What about WINTER? Winter is coming, and so is El Niño. How is this even going to work?? Marin is nice and everything but it ain't Tahiti.

Also, this son of a bitch has the nerve to say you might not even be able to stay through the winter, depending. "Month to month but may be available longer term." Yeah, we'll see if he likes you first before you can settle in for a year living in this tent.

Three straight months of rain in this "sweet space" will surely drive a person to reevaluate their life, or worse. Godspeed.

All previous editions of Apartment Sadness.