We're hearing unconfirmed reports of people calling in sick due to today's mind- and feet-numbing cold snap. Might you be one of them? You're probably one of them. Are you curled in the fetal position at the bottom of the bed, mummified in your Target comforter? Then you're one of them.

According to the Chronicle, "Downtown San Francisco dipped to 36 overnight while downtown San Jose hit 25." Which can't be true. Can that be true? What sins have we wrought upon ourselves to deserve such icy terror? Repent. It's your only hope.

Also, today a Spare-The-Air Alert has been issued for the entire Bay Area. Which means a ban is in effect for all wood burning throughout the region. You can, however, still light your toes on fire. Which sounds sooo nice right now.

But in all seriousness, while it's fun to poke fun at us Californians and our response to glacial weather, the recent freezing temperatures have proved fatal for at least four people in the South Bay last week.

Godspeed, people.