You know what Halloween should be about? Imagination. And if not imagination, sheer, unadulterated gore. Sure, it's become an excuse for every woman between the ages of 18 and 40 to tart themselves up like a stripper for the evening (please see Kristen Schaal's brilliant sendup of the trend on the Daily Show this week if you haven't), but just like you wouldn't want to be caught dead in the same dress as someone, there should be a little bit of individuality in your tartiness if you don't want to be the umpteenth sexy nurse at that Halloween party you're going to.
And for the guys, let's get this first one out of the way right now.
20. Walter White / Breaking Bad
Do you really want to be the 100th Walter White who everyone sees out this weekend? It's the very first costume this New Jersey newspaper and a thousand others thought to have on their trendy list. Let's try a little harder, huh?
19. Banana
This might have been funny the first time we saw it, like 10 years ago, but now this is a tired thing that kids wear to music festivals so their friends can find them.
18. Lady Banana/Stripper
This is less a costume than it is a poor lifestyle choice.
17. Hobo
Because: "homeless"
16. This.
Hi, silly Burning Man virgin.
15. Scream Guy
1997 called. It wants this back.
14. Anything With a Bite Out of It
Come on now, ladies.
13. The Ylvis Fox
What has 150 million views and will inspire 9 million sheep to wear one of these? This guy.
12. Potato Heads
Neither flattering, nor funny, nor relevant to this century.
11. Anything Involving Balloons
Not a good idea, especially if you're planning to share a cab. Or amuse anyone.
10. Adult Babies
You're aware this is a fetish, right?
9. Jellicle Cat
There's nothing endearing or sexy about this. It's just Broadway-creepy.
8. Blow Pop
Really with this?
7. Half-Assed Witch
You'd better go in for some serious make-up or American Horror Story: Coven realness or else you may as well stay home.
6. Pizza
The Daily Show already ruthlessly made fun of the ladies' version, but only if you do this ironically will it be allowed. The men's version is just fucking dumb.
5. Smokey the Bear
This is being listed as a great idea by these guys, but whether you're making light of wildfires or poking fun at the government shutdown, this seems lame.
4. A minion
This is looking to be the banana of our decade.
3. Terrorist
What are you, from Texas? Have some taste.
2. Half-Assed Drag Queen
Fellas, if you're going to go out there in a wig this year and do your best mockery of Katy Perry, or whatever, for the love of god shave, have a good outfit, get someone to do your makeup, wax your chest hair, get into it for god's sake! Otherwise, leave the drag to the professionals.
1. Miley Cyrus
Do not, under any circumstances, do this.
Or any of this:
And P.S., do you know how psyched the costume companies are that they can just recycle all their old Beetlejuice suits for this couples costume?
Otherwise, have fun out there! Be safe! Avoid doing shots (more than one, anyway)! That is all.
Previously: Your Topical S.F. Halloween Costume Ideas, 2013 Edition
'Sexy' Halloween Costumes That Are Just Wrong
