"Empire of sour cream," "lettuce country," and "cilantro cavern" — these are terms we give the Lord thanks for today for we just had the pleasure... no, the honor of reading Lucky Shirt's rant against an improperly made burrito. Specifically, his burrito was zoned, not layered. Can you imagine?
In part, Lucky Shirt fumes:
Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layers lengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.
He goes on in length about the ordeal, adding: "Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican." (However, one must wonder if the burrito maker in question did it on purpose. And why. Two sides, folks. Two sides.)
In the end, we hope that this provides you, the reader, with not only a good chuckle, but an imperative "a ha" moment the importance of food placement and aesthetics. Because in these rustic setting-Edison bulb-communal table-food truck days, design still does matter.
