It's come to this, everyone. Remember Rebecca Black? Remember that Nicole Westbrook chick and that horrible song "It's Thanksgiving"? Well, now it's time for Patrice Wilson, "songwriter" and starmaker of wealthy tween girls we hope to never meet, to give us this atrocity. Her name is Alison Gold. The song is about how she likes Chinese food after she goes "clubbing." She is no more than 14.

There are a number of very uncomfortable, offensive moments. But don't worry. The world is ending very soon.