As we continue with Etiquette Week 2013, we bring you our thoughts on how best to utilize your mobile phone without getting mugged, or annoying everyone around you.
Texting Whilst Walking
Sure, you're a busy, busy bee. Places to be, people to screw. But if you must text while walking on the sidewalk, we'd recommend keeping your missives brief or you may end up knocked unconscious by the next lamppost. Also, in certain neighborhoods, you may end up getting that thing snatched if you don't keep your wits about you. Standing off to one side or pausing at the next corner is probably the wisest choice for completing your next LOL.
Texting Whilst Cycling
This is almost worse than texting while driving because so few cyclists ever come to a complete stop. For anything. But seriously, you're putting your life and the lives of several pedestrians at risk if you're trying to text while navigating the Wiggle, so cut it out.
Don't Get Tased In the Face
Not that this woman or this guy were asking for it they weren't but you should really exercise caution when chatting away on the phone at a bus stop in a marginal neighborhood, or while walking down the street after dark. iPhones are hot commodities on the black market, and if you do that thing where you go off into another imaginary world while you're deep in conversation with a friend, unaware of your present circumstances, you just might very well find yourself knocked to the pavement, possibly injured, and short a cell phone. These are brutal times.
Yes, That Is Another Cracked iPhone
I know that my iPhone screen, like most people's, is cracked. I don't need you to tell me for the 500th time, or ask "How'd you do that?" like you're the first genius to bring it up. You are not a genius. The phone fell, the glass broke, I'm too lazy to get it fixed. Can we please talk about something else now?
Take It Outside
Are you in a crowded bar with friends and do you really need to answer that call that's coming in? Do you honestly think you or the caller will be able to hear a damn thing if you stay standing right where you are? If you answered yes, did you just get your first cell phone in 2013? Bless.
Answering Calls at the Gym
Some gyms have taken the step of posting signs forbidding cell phone use in locker rooms or elsewhere, but allow us to remind everyone that this is tacky and deeply annoying. The gym is a place of respite from the workday, and none of us want to hear you closing that deal or abusing your assistant while you change into your jock. See above.
On Public Transit
Pick your seats wisely on buses and trains. Right by the back doors on the bus is not an ideal place to get lost trying to beat your Bejeweled high score or chuckling at the latest YouTube sensation. You might as well just throw it out the door at the next stop. If you don't, an opportunistic thief will gladly relieve you of your precious device and all you'll be left with is a smacking sense of embarrassment because you just lost a couple hundred bucks over a cat video.
On Airplanes
Look, Alec Baldwin, we're all pretty sure by now that using one's cellular telephone isn't going to cause airplanes to start falling out of the sky. That said, the FAA regulations are still in place for a reason and that reason is to keep you from being a dick on your telephone so we can all get in the air in a timely fashion. No one cares if you actually turn it off, but at least make an effort to fake it when the flight attendants walk by and don't bother whipping it out again until you're above the 10,000 feet limit, when you'll need in-flight WiFi to check your oh-so-important email anyway.
Sounds
Do you really need to keep your phone on full volume at all times? Ringtones are soooo five years ago. Vibrate mode is quieter and less invasive for everyone around you, and let's face it: you're probably checking your phone every five seconds anyway. If you must let it ring loud and proud, at least choose a non-aggravating ringtone. Your family members, fellow MUNI commuters and coworkers will thank you.
Andrew Dalton, Jay Barmann, and Rose Garrett all contributed to this post.
All previous Etiquette Week posts.
