He's no homeless hatchet-wielding hitchhiker, but he'll do. Yarry Gonzalez and his wife, parents of two, woke up to two drunk "completely incompetent" would-be robbers (or worse) hovering above their bed. The creeps had entered their Santa Cruz home early Wednesday morning. As the cretins attempted to tie the couple up, Yarry and his wife deftly turned the tables.

CBS 5 has more:

Gonzalez freed his hands and fought the larger man, while his wife battled with the smaller of the two, who the couple dubbed, ‘Weasel.’

“She picks up one of our heating bags here, and she chucks it at the back of Weasel’s head, the smaller guy who’s wielding at this point … a decorative sword from my wall and a screwdriver.” said Gonzalez.

Gonzalez said as he fought the intruders he screamed as loud as he could to get the attention of neighbors. It apparently was enough to scare off the smaller man.

“I think Weasel panicked,” said Gonzalez. “He realized that the jig was up. And he uh, he bolted. He ran right out the front door.”

And then, it got better. Much better. We'll let Gonzalez explain for himself: