Earlier today, jurors acquitted 48-year-old Richard Sierra on charges of indecent exposure being leveled after the man exposed himself on Castro Street in November. According to a press release from the Public Defender's Office, Sierra was an aspiring nudist looking to fit in with "the naked guys," the Castro's familiar crew of experienced nudists.
Sierra's Defense maintains that he was not masturbating in public as he had been accused, but was simply trying ineptly to fit in with the other nudists:
"Sierra, an inexperienced nudist, felt self-conscious completely disrobing. Instead, he pulled his pants down to his knees and pulled his tank top to just above his genitals in order to hide scars on his stomach. While many of the longtime Castro nudists wore cock rings, Sierra had only a metal ring from a binder. He attached it to his shirt and looped it around his penis to ensure his scars were covered. Sierra stood in front of Citibank on Castro Street, his genitals exposed."
At some point a passerby took note of the scene and flagged down police, who arrested him for "masturbating with a personal lubricant." During the trial, he maintained that he was not masturbating and had no such personal lubricant, only a prescription cream for his chronic eczema which he rarely used due to its high cost.
And let that be a lesson to all you hordes of young aspiring nudists: nothing worth doing is worth doing halfway.