(By Daisy Barringer)

On Monday, I boldly declared that if Kaepernick started on Sunday against the New England Patriots, the 49ers would lose the game. It is now Friday and I still stand by that statement. I’m not happy about it, mind you, and I hope he proves me wrong. But it’s how I feel.

Nonetheless, there is still hope. I guess there’s always hope. That’s the glorious thing about football.

The Good

Basically, it’s the same as always. I’m like a broken record over here. (Ohmygod, what will happen when kids don’t understand the concept of a skipping record? That just made me sad.) ANYWAY…

  • 49ers run defense. I mean, yay. Whatever. It’s not like the Pats are going to try to “establish the run.” They’re just going to try to “establish that they’re better than us” which they will do by passing. (I don’t know what happened to me. I’m sorry. I’m like the Grinch who stole Faith.)
  • Aldon Smith. I mean, as always, love the guy. But I don’t really see the Niners bringing a huge pass rush on Brady. Again, I’m just a fan, but I don’t think they’re going to bring more than four guys at a time… We shall see what happens. There’s been a lot of talk of moving Aldon Smith inside in order to have him face off against New England’s slower guards. Sounds like it might be worth trying. However it happens, I would love NOTHING more than sacking Brady multiple times. I hate that guy and his stupid pretty-boy face.
  • Niners secondary. If we can just intercept the ball, holy Jesus praise Mary, I will be the happiest girl in the land. I think that’s going to be key to winning this one.
  • Frank Gore. And not just the run, but also the passing game. The Patriots struggle when the running back is a receiver. Gore… and maybe LaMichael James are the perfect solution.
  • Vernon Davis and Delanie Walker. I know Davis has been Missing in Action for the last couple of games, but if Kaepernick can get him the ball, I think we’ll see some big plays,
  • Randy Moss. First of all, can I just take this moment to say that I’m sorry for even questioning if Moss would be a good fit for the team? I think considering everything, it was fair, but he’s proved to be nothing but a class act through and through. But enough about that. He’s our (not-so) secret weapon this week. Four years with the Patriots? He definitely has some inside information that he’s been sharing with the Niners all week.

The Bad

  • New England is on a seven-game winning streak. (Of course, all streaks must come to an end at some point, but…)
  • During that seven-game winning streak, New England is averaging 40.6 points.
  • New England has won their last TWENTY games at home in December. TWENTY.
  • Tom Brady is such a little bitch that he’s STILL pissed about the fact that the Niners didn’t draft him. Apparently this anger means he’s been studying us extra hard all week. DON’T YOU HAVE A NEWBORN BABY TO TAKE CARE OF, OR SOMETHING? Ugh. The Worst.
  • The Niners have had the luxury of playing every game in perfect weather this year. (I think. I drink during the games so I can’t remember everything, but of the nine games I’ve attended, it’s been glorious outside.) Hopefully it’s not an issue, but needless to say, the Niners aren’t used to playing in 30 degree weather. With a 60% chance of precipitation.
  • We don’t know which Niners team we’ll get. Will we get the guys who showed up flat against Minnesota, St. Louis, and Miami or will we get the guys who came out fighting against Green Bay, Chicago, and New Orleans? If it’s the latter, we have a shot. If it’s the former, expect the game to be over by the half.
  • Colin Kaepernick. There is no room for error in this game. None. No delay of games. No wasted time outs. No fumbles. No intereceptions. Nothing. Unfortunately, I don’t think the young quarterback can pull that off in the freezing cold rain/snow during primetime, but… miracles do happen.

The Rest of It

  • Obviously, I am elated that Brandon Jacobs was suspended for the remaining three games of the season. He’s seriously such a punk; there’s no way I want him playing for my team. I think he thought all of his mouthing off would get him cut. Instead he has to languish in no-man’s land and I love love love it. Also, I might have said two things about him on Twitter (mostly again that I just don’t want someone who says he “hates” my team playing for my team” and he blocked me. Seriously. Brandon Jacobs blocked me because he can dish it out, but he can’t take it. Have fun in purgatory, loser.
  • Kaepernicking. In case you missed it, Kaepernicking is the new Tebowing. It’s when a player kisses his tattoos. Listen, I thought David Whitley’s whole thing about Kaepernick’s tattoos was ridiculous. Obvi. But the last thing the 49ers need is a newbie QB who has a “thing.” Just get the ball in the end zone and act like you’ve been there before, okay? I MEAN IT.

Sunday night is the Niners chance to show America that they’re the real deal. That we deserve a spot in the playoffs. That we can beat an elite team like the Patriots. It’s also Harbaugh’s chance to prove that he made the right decision to bench Alex Smith. A lot is on the line. I do think we’re going to lose, but for once in my life, I will revel in being wrong.

As always: GO NINERS!

Watch San Francisco at New England on Sunday at 5:20 p.m. PT on NBC.