Because we are nothing if not nostalgic for a time before Chuck E. Cheese started kicking us out for being old and creepy (and drunk), here's a handy map of where to play classic skeeball in San Francisco.

Compiled by two-time national brewskee-ball champion, Mr. Mission competition runner-up, and arcade game entrepreneur Joe "Joey the Cat" Mucha, the current list of available machines includes the obvious (Musee Mecanique in Fisherman's wharf), the well-known (Buckshot in the Richmond) and the unexpected (D-Structure in the Lower Haight) so you can get a real skeeball experience anywhere in town. What makes classic skeeball more (ahem)authentic than modern versions, you ask? Joey explains a real Skeeball machine features:

• Mesh Nets
  
• Wooden Balls
  
• Vintage Marquee
  
• 8-Bit Sound Effects
  
• Scoring Pockets That Don’t Exceed 100 Points

So if you're staring down the lane of some newfangled machine with an inflated scoring system while holding plastic balls, then you're doing something wrong. Obviously.

Joey's list doesn't extend beyond the San Francisco proper, however, so if you absolutely must be eating cardboard pizza and listening to an animatronic band while rolling your skeeballs you'll have to head to San Bruno.