Over in sunny, tranquil Piedmont, where the women never wear poly blends and the men all have excellent golf swings, the crime rate in 2011 has every yogilates class and PTA meeting abuzz with terror. Burglaries in the tony township, which is surrounded on all sides by Oakland, nearly doubled from 2010, with 88 reported compared to 49 the year before, and car thefts nearly doubled as well.

The overall number of incidents increased to 291 from 219 the previous year, and Piedmont police insist on more vigilance! They will be "beefing up police patrols" and "authorizing overtime" to combat the menaces creeping onto their leafy streets.

And if it sounds like we're making light of crime or suggesting that rich people deserve to be burgled, we're not! Not really. But anyone who's looked at a map of Oakland/Piedmont and knows the history of the little segregated community that could, might appreciate our sarcasm. One of their biggest dramas in recent years involved the under-grounding of unsightly power lines! Also, they're the 1%. We'll say no more.