Summer Street Fair Season is fast approaching and because nothing drives us to drink quite like a crowd of people slowly waddling past miles of vendors, we bring you our brief guide to the next month of free festivals and street fairs:

Union Street Eco-Urban Festival: Saturday, June 4th & Sunday, June 5th 10 a.m. - 6 p.m.
As we previously reported, the Union Street Festival has gone dry this year. Not that there aren't plenty of other places along Union Street to get sauced, but the beer gardens always drew a crowd of afternoon drunks who would eventually slop their way out of the sun in search of more jagermeister. With no booze whatsoever this year, expect all of your best bros to slink in to the Bus Stop and Bar None early on. Then expect them to come stumbling back out again in the late afternoon, knocking over tables of eco-upcycled-handicrafts as they hungrily seek out Pizza Orgasmica or worse: KFC/Taco Bell Combo meals.

Haight Ashbury Street Fair: Sunday June 12th, 11 a.m. - 5:30 p.m.
The Upper Haight will be even more crowded than usual, but on the bright side, SFPD will likely be ever-vigilante about asking the sit/lie crowd to move along. If you're lucky, someone will try to sell you (ahem) medicinal trail mix. If you decide to broaden your horizons, consider partaking and heading over to the Red Vic Benefit. The theater, set to close in July, will become the Red Vic Music Hall and host a lineup of musicians curated by the California Jug Band Association. Apparently the jug band genre also includes similar styles like, "jook, hokum, spasm, skiffle, washboard, and medicine show music". Whatever those are. 100% of the $5 cover charge goes to helping out the Red Vic.

Sunday Streets, Bayview Edition: Sunday, June 12th, 11 a.m. - 4 p.m.
June's Sunday Streets Event snakes its way from Jackson Playground in Potrero Hill to the soon-to-be-rehabbed Bayview Opera House. We recommend starting your day with a bloody mary at Thee Parkside or brunch at The Ramp before working your way down to the Bayview Music Festival. Bonus points if you snag a photo of Hunters Point Supervisor Malia Cohen on a bicycle.

San Francisco Juneteenth Festival: Saturday, June 18th and Sunday, June 19th. (Parade: Saturday, 10 a.m.)
The 19th of June marks the date when word reached Galveston, TX that Abraham Lincoln had abolished slavery. They didn't have twitter back in 1865, so it took the news a full two and a half years to arrive. In San Francisco, we've been commemorating the occasion for 60 years by having a few cocktails before the parade down Fillmore Street. Willie Brown, a Texas native, has been known to parade down Fillmore on a white horse wearing a Stetson hat. God knows that guy loves a good hat.

North Beach Festival: Saturday, June 18th and Sunday, June 19th, 10 a.m. - 6 p.m.
With beer, wine and music in Washington Square Park, the North Beach Festival is decent excuse to brave the crowds in Little Italy. Expect bars on Grant Street to fill up once people get to sunbaked in the park. The patio at Savoy Tivoli is ideal for watching the drunks go by, assuming you can beat the Marina crowd to the outdoor seating.

Stern Grove Festival: Sunday, June 19th. Show at 2 p.m.
Throwback soul goddess Sharon Jones & the Dap Kings kicks off this year's schedule of admission-free concerts. Donors who spring for picnic table seats get sponsored wine, so all you need to do is BYO Cheese and picnic supplies. If you're too cheap for that, enter the picnic table lottery and cross your fingers. Even though there's no official beer or wine sales on site, BYOB is not only allowed, but also encouraged (by us).