Just three weeks after Osama Bin Laden's death, trustworthy essay journal The Globe revealed what your average Arizona-dwelling, 'Merica-loving separatist knew all along: the mastermind behind 9/11 was a homosexual.
The Globe cracks Bin Laden's walnut thusly:
Osama bin Laden was gay but hid his shocking secret from his fanatical followers because he feared they'd turn against him, sources tell the Globe in a bombshell world exclusive. Although the terrorist kingpin took no fewer than five wives and fathered at least 20 children, it was all desperate bid to cover up his true sexual preference for men, the sources add.
But his gay secret was exposed after heroic Navy SEALs stormed his fortified hideout in Abbottabad, Pakistan, on May 1 and blew his brains out. ...
Best of all, U.S. "security experts" knew the identify of his secret lover:
International security experts reveal that one of the henchmen killed with bin Laden was the madman's secret male lover of 10 years, his loyal courier Abu Ahmen al-Kawaiti. ...
Shockingly (and unbelievably) Bin Laden had no Bay Area connections. Lies! Michael Petrelis has the details:
I bought a copy yesterday at the Safeway on Market and Church Streets after noticing the teaser on the cover: Government insider reveals: Bin Laden's Secret Gay Life! There will probably be a San Francisco-gay connection in the story, I thought. Wrong. The tabloid alleges a Houston-gay link dating back to the 1980s.
Someone get FOX on this obvious coverup by local officials, posthaste.
We implore you to check the Petrelis Files for more lurid Osama secrets come to light.