Tamara Barak Aparton, current Communications and Policy Assistant with the San Francisco Public Defender’s Office, writes the best crime press releases. Take, for example, the case of residential motel resident Willie Smith, 42, who was accused of pushing his way into a neighbor’s room, spraying the male victim with an air freshener (and yes, it's Glade), stealing his Snickers bar, and then threatening to urinate on him.

To the press release:

Smith was arrested March 22, 2010 in his room at the Kean Hotel in the 1000 block of Mission Street. Neighbor Gordon Gantz, 73, told police that Smith had knocked on his door and pushed his way in when Gantz opened it. Gantz said Smith pushed him once in the chest and slapped his face while telling him he needed money. The men had been friendly before the incident, visiting each other’s rooms and Gantz occasionally giving cash to Smith. When Gantz told Smith he didn’t have any money, Smith allegedly took a Snickers bar off his table and began eating it. Though the door was open throughout the incident, Gantz said he felt trapped in his room. Gantz suffered no injuries in the incident.

Gantz told an investigator that at one point during the struggle, Smith pretended he was going to urinate on him and sprayed him with air freshener.

During the trial, however, jurors didn’t believe Gantz. Why? Because he was "a felon with multiple convictions for making false bomb threats." For what it's worth, Mr. Gantz also informed police that Mr. Smith had, on several different occasions, helped himself to Ganz's cookies and Walgreens-brand mixed nuts.