by Chris Jones

Once again, the San Francisco Chronicle, has rendered the local populace awestruck and scratching their heads in bemusement. It would appear that the Chron put together a crack team of bitchy fashionista sociologists to inspect the style choices of denizens of our city's various neighborhoods. And what they've reported back is kind of bizarre and annoying. For example, their fashion profile of the Upper Haight sounds like it came more from a TV show filmed in Canada and set in the Haight than the actual Haight itself:

Upper Haight

The look: Aging hippie who never sold out, cashed in or moved on. For men, Michael Moore is a fashion giant: jeans, old denim jacket (with political lapel pins), Chuck Taylors, grubby T-shirt underneath an unbuttoned and untucked long-sleeve shirt. For women, Guatemala still inspires: flowing dresses, handmade jewelry, sandals. Secondary gutter-punk look -- black leathers, red plaid pants, combat boots, safety pins -- gives the street its undeniably unhygienic aesthetic.

Color scheme: Fading tie-dye.

Favorite labels: Levi's, Doc Martens. More likely to spend money on a Noam Chomsky book than a new pair of pants.

Must-have accessories: Graying ponytail or long hair; dream catcher.

Wouldn't be caught dead in: Any fashion trend post-1985.

Ugh! This writer has lived in the Haight for years and years and cannot recall ever having seen anyone wandering the streets in an "old denim jacket (with political lapel pins)", Doc Martens, and a graying ponytail. OK, maybe an occasional passing Boomer tourist, but common neighborhood uniform? Hardly. And "Fading tie-dye"? Maybe in a store window, but on an actual real live human? Sorry, Charlie. Also, "black leathers, red plaid pants, combat boots, safety pins" on gutter punks? Wrong, wrong, WRONG!!!

Check out how they mis-represented your 'hood and get back to us. Are these fashion queens more Fey Sommers than Anna Wintour?