Really, why are you working this week? Because, let's see, we have two work days (today, tomorrow), one kinda work day (New Year's Eve), and another alleged work day on Friday. But if you were crafty enough to worm your way out of the office this week, thus providing you with a rare opportunity to go on a week-long bender, you would be eating bon-bons, watching Maury, and cutting the tops of your CD cases to bits right now.

But you aren't, so you're at work. Well, some of you, anyway. So please explain yourselves.