THEATER: Jackie Mason, Pontius Pilot, Bacchus, Mother Theresa, Mohamed, Mary Magdalene, Phil Silvers, Satan, and more come together to throw shade at Our Lord and Savior Jesus H. Christ. Conceived by locals Howard Stone and Kurt Weitzmann, and featuring the real-life talents of Will Franken, Caitlin Gill and Beth Schumann, "The Jesus Roast - A Celebrity Roast of Jesus H Christ" is a tribute to the celebrity roasts of yore. We hope you enjoy the performance and the eternity you will spend in hell.

8 p.m. // StageWerx (533 Sutter) // $25 ($17 in advance)

FILM: "I have confidence in sunshine, I have confidence in rain. I have confidence that spring will come again! Besides, which you see, I have confidence in me!"

7 p.m. // Castro Theatre (Castro & Market) // $10-15