READING/POLITICS: Speaker of the House, nutbag Cindy Sheehan's archenemy, and alleged war criminal Nancy Pelosi returns to town. Pelosi and her gayface eyes hit the stage at Fort Mason, Cowell Theater, where she'll chat about her latest literary effort Know Your Power: A Message to America’s Daughters. Aside from telling the girls of the world top stop acting like such little sluts - that's what these types of works are secretly about, right? - her book reveals that she's a raging chocoholic and still refers to her parents as "Mommy" and "Daddy." Gross. Will Harper can tell you more.

7 p.m. // Fort Mason, Cowell Theater (Herbst Pavilion, Marina & Buchanan) // free

CLUB: Billed as an "undyke dyke party" (the gays, their self-loathing runs deep, folks), guest DJ Dulce Vita (Opulent Temple), resident DJ Kinetic, and percussionist by C.Flava throw down the danceable beats at "The Drift" for the Shappic set.

9 p..m // The Transfer (198 Church) // $3