(By Joe Kukura)

We’ll admit, we’ve been aloof to the A’s and this season’s American League West proceedings, what with the Athletics getting ready to juke their hometown for Fremont. But oh baby, do we have a new reason to root for the A’s to engage in some serious divisional ass-whooping.

At the division rival Seattle Mariners ballpark, now the Cracker Barrel of organized baseball, it appears they’ll toss you out of the stadium for same-sex kissing. Cleverly-named Seattle lesbian and Tila Tequila show veteran Sirbrina Guerrero found that out the hard way, being asked to leave Safeco Field during a Mariners-Red Sox game for kissing her girlfriend. They weren’t even going at it that hard, she insists. “We were eating garlic fries. The last thing we want to do is make out with each other.” Speak for yourself, Sirbrina. When pressed for comment, stadium officials referred to the ballpark’s code of conduct, which states "displays of affection are not appropriate in a public family setting." We’re not developmental psychologists, but we see a lot in that statement to screw kids up on intimacy issues well into their adult lives.

And just to bring it back to karma… the Seattle ‘Phobes are in last place and nine games behind the A’s.