While you were a young whippersnapper and only having to deal with fire and earthquake drills, the youth of today have to practice massacre drills--Columbine-style massacre drills, that is. We blame Grand Theft Auto.

A local San Francisco school had one "all-too-real" simulation yesterday. The "bone-chilling authenticity," we're told, included "a 911 call to the city's emergency dispatch center from inside the school," a total of five SFPD officers at the scene, and theater students covered in ketchup.

The very special drill even merited an entire article in the Chronicle. Why? Because it happened at St. Ignatius College Preparatory School. Which is? The learning institute for wealthy offspring--well, insofar as it's private and Catholic, so it's a parents-have-to-be-able-to-afford-it kind of rich--whose lives are way more important than yours.

San Francisco Unified School District officials, it should be noted, declined to participate in the dramatic shooting-spree exercises. Probably because students at SFUSD have been practicing for such Virginia Tech-ish moments since the first grade.