Everyone's behaving a little bit funny this weekend, and it's throwing the city's transit into a tizzy. An absolute tizzy! We haven't been this tizzied in MONTHS.

First, there's Critical Mass. Lots of people firmly believe that something is be gained by proving that bicyclists are just as capable of causing gridlock and frustration as motorists, and they'll be doing just that ... um ... yesterday. Sorry about the late notice.

Then there's a pilgrimage to Our Lady of Guadalupe on Saturday, the First. Guadalupe is the patron saint of, oh who knows, let's say cantaloupes. According to Muni, the parade will be disrupting traffic from 6am to 2pm -- wait, 6am? Seriously? Geez. If someone asked us to get out of bed at 6am on a Saturday, we'd be like, "that better be one hell of a melon."

Then there's the "Fantasy of Light Parade," some bullshit Disney knockoff that some stores on Union Street made up, on Saturday at 6pm. Even though it's about as meaningful as a fondue pot in a Yankee Swap, somebody's bound to enjoy it. Check it out if you are an enthusiast of lights or fantasies.

Full details after the jump.