We used to think we couldn't stand Sean Penn, but he never really did anything to deserve our ire. He's talented; seems to have similar political to ours; married to her, wonderful her; surfs; from Southern California; lives in the Bay Area; and above all else, is attractive. Then we figured it out: we didn't hate Sean Penn, we feared him. He seems like the kind of guy who could and would kick our ass right-quick if he ever encountered us.

But you know who really wants you to know how much he loves the Oscar winner? LA Weekly's Joe Donnelly. Read his interesting yet fellating article of Mr. Penn here, or for your convenience, our truncated version below.

"One of Sean Penn’s best friends is stuck there in San Quentin, maybe for good, and Penn cites this unfortunate fact as one of his main reasons for choosing to live in this corner of Marin County."

"...that was a lesson in humility."

"...picture if you will a sleepless and forlorn journalist chain smoking..."

"...there are deep crags around his cowboy eyes..."

"He’s muscular like a construction worker."

"I like this guy already. A lot."

"'You’re a good writer,' I say."

"'That’s my baby,' Penn grins mischievously."