Who doesn't love a weekend jaunt to Carmel? Well, those of us who can afford it, anyway. What's more, those of us who can tolerate its cloying horror.

John Vlahides, co-founder and executive editor at 71 Miles, knows better.

71 Miles -- an extraordinarily useful local travel site (at last!) for those of us living in the Bay Area (i.e., not tourists) who want to know more about hitting up the greater Bay Area, the beach, downtown SF, or around your very own block -- exposes the dark underbelly of Clint Eastwood's former kingdom.

Vlahides starts out by saying, "[e]very storybook village has a witch, and she lives in Carmel," and gets pointed from there.

He mentions in his article how "dogs, trees, and old people have more rights than anyone else in town," rotting ten-million dollar mansions that are "held together with liquid nails and plywood," women being "legally banned from wearing high heels downtown," (the hell?), says that the Carmel "could use a few muggers, if only to mix things up," and much more.

And here we thought Carmel was a top-drawer place to buy dolphin art and glass animals. Huh.

Well, guess it's off to Big Sur for our romantic weekend excursion. Oh wait, we're single. A BART ride to In-N-Out in Serramonte it is, then.