-- Kelley Stoltz, Jennifer Gentle, the Dodos: Local folk-rock chap Kelley Stoltz performs in the Mission along with Jennifer Gentle and the Dodos. Show starts at 9 p.m. at 12 Galaxies, 2565 Mission; $10-$12.

-- Jake Johannsen and Dat Phan: The Late Show with David Letterman regular and winner of Last Comic Standing's first season, respectively, do what they do best: stand up comedy. Hey, at least it's not improv. Two shows at 8 p.m. and 10:15 p.m. at Cobb's Comedy Club, 915 Columbus; $20.

-- "Nickel Bag of Funk": Funky world beats, old-school hip hop, and your garden varieties of funk bounce along with you on the dance floor, starting at 10 p.m. at the Makeout Room, 3225 - 22nd Street; $5.

-- Mommie Dearest: Watch Joan Crawford (played by an equally-scary Faye Dunaway) beat the living shit out of her daughter. Hilarious! Show starts at midnight (tonight and tomorrow night) at the Bridge Theater, 3010 Geary; $7.25.