"It has come to our attention that the restroom hygiene of some tenants is less than stellar," begins the memo, with the subject "RESTROOM MANNERS." Apparently, some folks at the MTA offices at 1 South Van Ness have been wadding up some heavy paper products in the tubes, resulting in cloggage. The outrage continues: "In addition to the paper usage, we are finding that some users do not take the time to make sure paper and waste has been properly disposed of and in some instances are not flushing at all!" (Emphasis theirs.)

This is, of course, an utter travesty. Mayor Newsom's new Chief Apologist, Stuart "Fare Hike" Sunshine, offered an immediate rebuttal, stating that the legally mandated 85% flush rate is totally unrealistic, and that users of Muni water closets should be content with a rate closer to 75%, or 70%, or whatever. In response to this crisis, Stuart will be advising that high-class pay toilets be installed, along with service cuts that will reduce the number of available trips to the bathroom. In addition, the much-ballyhooed "Central Lavatory" project will undergo value-engineering, with the goal of reducing stall size to that of a kitchen cabinet, as well as re-routing hallways to the bathrooms by a distance of several city blocks.

Full text of the memo after the jump.