Dig if you will this picture: it's the Holiday Party for the staff at this major local publication, and our hero -- let's call him Trichophilia Pinkerton -- has tied a few on. Again. In fact, we've been told he's also without a driver's licence due to his weakness with the spirits, which perplexes us as we've seen him behind the wheel of his midlife crisis mobile more than once. Then again, you'll see in a moment that he's a man unbound by law.

So, our pal TP is having a few, and sidles up to a writer from said local pub. "You have the best hair of anyone here" he whispers "I want to lay you down right where you are and kiss you."

So, first, EEEEEW. And, second, watch out, girl reporter! We hear TP was romancing the hair pullee (no word yet on the status of his relationship with the burly union member), so we already know he won't treat you so good.

The pub's parent company -- let's call it Kane Corp. -- just got wind of this recently, and have ordered TP off the sauce. Wow, what a great stance to take against a man with entires on violence, racial insensitivity, and now sexual harassment in his HR file.

Oh, our beloved Tania, won't you step in and get rid of this guy once and for all? He's busted the union, do we still need him in our city? Surely, there's plenty of good hair for him to pull in Beaumont, Edwardsville, or Plainview.